Can sleep deprivation ruin a relationship?
My fiancee SNORS LOUDLY. He has a deviated septum and has this terrible habit of putting his tongue to the roof of his mouth minimizing the already restricted amount of airflow. He is so loud that with the door closed I can hear him from the other side of our house,I’m not even kidding. I was always a very light sleeper but have gotten more sensitive to noise once I became a mother. He always snored but in the last 3 years it has gotten so bad that I mostly refuse to sleep in our bedroom now.
I am tired of waking up EVERY single night and moving to the guest bedroom. This daily interruption of sleep has really taken a toll of me physically and emotionally. I am a full time stay at home mom/part time student so I am up early with my toddler and am busy with the household and my academic responsibilities. Sleep is crucial to my daily functioning and losing sleep every night is really affecting me in a negative way. I am at my wits end with this and do not know what to do! I already spoke to him and we have tried over the counter treatments (nose strips etc) so I suggested the operation to lessen the snoring and he refuses to do it saying I should wear ear plugs. The problem is that I can still hear him through the earplugs and I need to be able to clearly hear the baby monitor for our daughter. We are engaged to be married but if this continues, I truly believe sleep deprivation will ruin our marriage. Anyone had this issue with their spouse? Suggestions? Please only serious answers.
Sathya..we tried me going to bed earlier but he is so loud and I am such a light sleeper that he wakes me up out of a sound sleep with his snoring in the middle of the night.
I know he needs to see a doctor but he outright refuses to.
Tagged with: deprivation • relationship • ruin • sleep
Filed under: Kids Ear Muffs
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He should see a doctor, he could have sleep apnea. My husband was a terrible snorer, although it never really bothered me. But I knew it was possibly bad for his health, and he finally went to do a sleep study and then to an ear, nose, and throat doctor. He is now wearing a mask for the sleep apnea and doesn’t snore at all. He is also going to hopefully have surgery at some point for his deviated septum.
I can’t imagine sleep deprivation actually ruining a marriage, and I’m sure if your toddler was crying, you’d hear her no matter what. The bigger issue is him not caring that it bothers you.
Being sleep deprives makes you dysfunctional in so many ways. Most noticeably to other people, you may become more irritable and short tempered, and spouses are likely to get the brunt of it because they are around you all the time. Try to find out why he doesn’t want to do the surgery. Is he scared? Is he worried about getting a bill? Try to be compassionate, but explain that you feel his unwillingness to help you deal with this issue is making you feel hurt and resentful. And this may sound odd and inappropriate, but sleeping in seperate rooms may save your sanity and your relationship. Sure it’s unconventional but who cares. What difference does it make that you’re sleeping in the same bed if while you’re awake you can’t stand each other.
Best wishes
It is quite common thing for the human being, and if not so it is welcomed. One can not restrict/correct this kind of problem, instead of that can have some adjustment/arrangement if they want to continue the relationship without soaring. Up to my better experience, I can say that the person who is afftected can go to bed earlier/before to the person who snors.
He should go see the doctor, snoring is not so good for your health specially your heart. My Dad use to snore like that most of his life, he has heart problems now and the doctor prescribed him a machine with a mask he has to put on every night, that has help him with the snoring because when they snore they stop breathing and that is bad because they could die in their sleep. So if he goes to the doctor is a good thing for you, for him and for your relation. And if he doesn’t want to go, film him at night and get more information over the net about snoring and show it to him. Good luck!
I am in a similar situation. I wish I could have my own room. I have been with my husband for 9 years and in the last few years it has gotten worse, I think because he has gained weight and smokes. Each night I assess the situation. I go to bed after him. If he is snoring just alittle I sleep on the couch or with my son who has a double bed. I hate this because I dont want my kids seeing us sleeping apart(i dont want them to think it is “normal) but, I need to sleep! It does have an effect on our marriage and I get so angry that I cant sleep in our bed. I always point out daddys snoring and tell my kids that is why i dont sleep with him. They make fun of him also.
I think you should make a plan to sleep in the guest bedroom every night, it will eventualy get to him and may change his mind. I have on a few occasions taped my husband just so he can see how loud he really is. I have called his cell and left him messages of him snoring. I did it for 2 weeks straight once when he was upset..poor baby, that I wasnt sleeping with him. He got the message but hasnt gone to a doctor.
I thought about and even bought earplugs but, I was to scared to use them. He is a heavy sleeper and I was nervous that either one of us would hear if one of the kids needed us…me. I know if i used them I would never fall asleep.
I would just keep trying to get him to see a doctor, tape him. Does he realize how loud he really is. You could tape him then when it was time for him to go to bed put the tape on just so he can see how awful it is to sleep next to him. I think I may try that! Everytime he wakes you up, wake him up. Have another talk with him about his snoring, tell him how unbearable it is and that everytime he wakes you up you are going to wake him up. He will get pissed!!! mine does but, he will know how it feels.
I am so excited, my husband is going away for 5 days next week. I will get to sleep like a rock for the first time in a looong time. For me it hasnt ruined our relationship…I am not planning on divorcing him but it does have an effect, I get really angry. AND..he makes comments on the weekend that I sleep in…boohoo.
I feel for you! I wish I had a solution for both of us.